okay, where do i start.
hopefully i post this time, deleted too many drafts for this.
loool
okay..... lets try to dissect this feeling, this complicated feeling.....
Mr E was talking to his cleaner the other day, in the most natural way, backing me by the way so i could stare all the way this time and also smile while staring. the way i used to stare that he never knew. Nothing much here, just drinking up his form, admiring the way God put together his head, to the neck, down to those shoulders then to the back and waist, a little narrowing takes you to the bum... lol, then those long legs 😍.
the posture too hasn't changed, the slant weight shift to the side when standing. i wonder if the cleaner "whats-his-face" saw me smiling, couldn't care much, it was like my only chance to stare at the wonders of God. even though i was staring when he was walking back to his car in the church parking lot. (May God help this sister)
I smile in appreciation, just simple appreciation that this exists.
Then it comes down to the conversation, intriguing, addictive, flowing, engaging, real exchange of friendly banter. warms my insides, gives you a sense of fellowship with a compliemented mind (sure there's a word for this)
Then it comes to the goodbyes, surprised there's still a struggle to leave, an inertia of some sort. like pulling away of two magnets but this time a bit easier to pull apart than before. its intriguing, gives a tingly or bubbly sense. this part is tricky, you have to be alert not to cross the lines, very alert. goodbyes are very emotional no matter what.
Then you get drive all the way home smiling and having a good day for the rest of the day. seeing the world in color again, a smile along with that hello to a stranger, new business ideas or life hacks flowing through your brain like it just had blood pumping through it. truly God is wonderful the way he created us. this part is really nice, very warm fuzzy.
but it doesn't last long, reminds me of limitless, you take the pill and boom you're the best human in the world and can basically achieve everything in life but then in 24 hours, you need a refill or else you're basically back to your truly ugly self.
you're about to hit up this refill and have to think twice, common sense comes knocking... hellloooo, don't you know issanother woman husband your messaging? hellooooo, eez like you have forgotten you hav marry... helloooo, didn't you have you chance before??? please don't pour sand sand inside another person garri.
you convince yourself that its just a friendly chatter, but who are you kidding? yourself? you know if given the chance you'll basically tear this man to pieces and finish up licking and chewing the bones, you say its a friendly banter but you're worried about how you look when its time to see. my sisterrrrr, stop lying to yasefffff. looool okay away with the razz accent. this is the really bitter part, something so close yet very very far, an itch you cannot scratch, a forced look into your life to see why you're here in the first place. very hard to explain the pain and disappointment in your own self.
you want to run and hide in your comfort numb zone, but you truly miss your friend.
Mr E my NZT-48, loool, if you end up seeing this you'll have to google that.
rubbish banter i knowwww!!! very dead stervsssss, May God help me
23/2 today!
hopefully i post this time, deleted too many drafts for this.
loool
okay..... lets try to dissect this feeling, this complicated feeling.....
Mr E was talking to his cleaner the other day, in the most natural way, backing me by the way so i could stare all the way this time and also smile while staring. the way i used to stare that he never knew. Nothing much here, just drinking up his form, admiring the way God put together his head, to the neck, down to those shoulders then to the back and waist, a little narrowing takes you to the bum... lol, then those long legs 😍.
the posture too hasn't changed, the slant weight shift to the side when standing. i wonder if the cleaner "whats-his-face" saw me smiling, couldn't care much, it was like my only chance to stare at the wonders of God. even though i was staring when he was walking back to his car in the church parking lot. (May God help this sister)
I smile in appreciation, just simple appreciation that this exists.
Then it comes down to the conversation, intriguing, addictive, flowing, engaging, real exchange of friendly banter. warms my insides, gives you a sense of fellowship with a compliemented mind (sure there's a word for this)
Then it comes to the goodbyes, surprised there's still a struggle to leave, an inertia of some sort. like pulling away of two magnets but this time a bit easier to pull apart than before. its intriguing, gives a tingly or bubbly sense. this part is tricky, you have to be alert not to cross the lines, very alert. goodbyes are very emotional no matter what.
Then you get drive all the way home smiling and having a good day for the rest of the day. seeing the world in color again, a smile along with that hello to a stranger, new business ideas or life hacks flowing through your brain like it just had blood pumping through it. truly God is wonderful the way he created us. this part is really nice, very warm fuzzy.
but it doesn't last long, reminds me of limitless, you take the pill and boom you're the best human in the world and can basically achieve everything in life but then in 24 hours, you need a refill or else you're basically back to your truly ugly self.
you're about to hit up this refill and have to think twice, common sense comes knocking... hellloooo, don't you know issanother woman husband your messaging? hellooooo, eez like you have forgotten you hav marry... helloooo, didn't you have you chance before??? please don't pour sand sand inside another person garri.
you convince yourself that its just a friendly chatter, but who are you kidding? yourself? you know if given the chance you'll basically tear this man to pieces and finish up licking and chewing the bones, you say its a friendly banter but you're worried about how you look when its time to see. my sisterrrrr, stop lying to yasefffff. looool okay away with the razz accent. this is the really bitter part, something so close yet very very far, an itch you cannot scratch, a forced look into your life to see why you're here in the first place. very hard to explain the pain and disappointment in your own self.
you want to run and hide in your comfort numb zone, but you truly miss your friend.
Mr E my NZT-48, loool, if you end up seeing this you'll have to google that.
rubbish banter i knowwww!!! very dead stervsssss, May God help me
23/2 today!
No comments:
Post a Comment