I'm getting numb inside.
I think I prefer it to the constant pain and self resentment I feel all the time.
there's a popular song not sure by who
the lyrics say "ll rather be hurt than feel nothing at all"
loooool, you sure???
pain is not nice
i need to stop whining and continue on my journey to repair
is the numb feeling part of repair?
one thing i know
is that i must be there for my children
listen to them
know what they want
and not what i think is best for them
i wish i was stronger
to fight for myself
i wish Mr E was more forward
harrass my mum
engage me
get me pregnant... LOL!
we did try that, at least i like to think we did
owkayyyyyyy.....
i want this to be my last post about Mr E, but bottling up all these emotions an thoughts is not really the best thing.
*sigh* i'll keep pushing
holding on to God
i was complaining yesterday about God not answering my fasting and prayers for six months now (to be honest the prayer points arent very very consistent) but my ultimate prayer did not waiver, asking God for happiness.
it started with God telling me to only think of things that are good, pure, basically all the good things that will please Him, i thought to myself, AH HAH!! thats the secret, when you think of good things, you feel good things and good things start to happen to you, right? well lets just say maybe I didnt follow it to a T, but it didnt really work at least not for too long, besides you know how hard it is to control your thoughts? even the perfect thoughts controller Mr E, has some setback days.
then when my prayer point started to change asking God to remove me from the situation, the scriture of a foolish woman tearing down her home and a wise woman building hers came to me like 3 times and i was like WOW!!! O_O am i a foolish woman tearing down her home with her hands? do i know whats good for me better than God?, you see people, this my God ehn. sometimes i feel He plays hide and seek with me, but He said in his word, that He will reveal unknown things to His children.
then i resorted to praying in tongues, maybe there are enemies listening on my prayers and sabotaging them or playing mind tricks with me.
i have no regrets praying in tongues and it gives me a peace knowing i pray to God and God alone.
right now i just wanna be happy, and i want to feel i am in the best possible situation of my life right now.
i want peace, joy, love... *sigh* today is church day, cant wait!!!
so help me God
I think I prefer it to the constant pain and self resentment I feel all the time.
there's a popular song not sure by who
the lyrics say "ll rather be hurt than feel nothing at all"
loooool, you sure???
pain is not nice
i need to stop whining and continue on my journey to repair
is the numb feeling part of repair?
one thing i know
is that i must be there for my children
listen to them
know what they want
and not what i think is best for them
i wish i was stronger
to fight for myself
i wish Mr E was more forward
harrass my mum
engage me
get me pregnant... LOL!
we did try that, at least i like to think we did
owkayyyyyyy.....
i want this to be my last post about Mr E, but bottling up all these emotions an thoughts is not really the best thing.
*sigh* i'll keep pushing
holding on to God
i was complaining yesterday about God not answering my fasting and prayers for six months now (to be honest the prayer points arent very very consistent) but my ultimate prayer did not waiver, asking God for happiness.
it started with God telling me to only think of things that are good, pure, basically all the good things that will please Him, i thought to myself, AH HAH!! thats the secret, when you think of good things, you feel good things and good things start to happen to you, right? well lets just say maybe I didnt follow it to a T, but it didnt really work at least not for too long, besides you know how hard it is to control your thoughts? even the perfect thoughts controller Mr E, has some setback days.
then when my prayer point started to change asking God to remove me from the situation, the scriture of a foolish woman tearing down her home and a wise woman building hers came to me like 3 times and i was like WOW!!! O_O am i a foolish woman tearing down her home with her hands? do i know whats good for me better than God?, you see people, this my God ehn. sometimes i feel He plays hide and seek with me, but He said in his word, that He will reveal unknown things to His children.
then i resorted to praying in tongues, maybe there are enemies listening on my prayers and sabotaging them or playing mind tricks with me.
i have no regrets praying in tongues and it gives me a peace knowing i pray to God and God alone.
right now i just wanna be happy, and i want to feel i am in the best possible situation of my life right now.
i want peace, joy, love... *sigh* today is church day, cant wait!!!
so help me God
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